Happy Women's Day

This is the Email that I sent out on Women's Day. :-) Storing it for posterity. Laugh Away!

Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.- Remy de Gourmant (French writer)

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.- H.L. Mencken (American writer, 1888-1956)

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?- Carrie Snow

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb…and I also know that I'm not blonde.- Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.- Erica Jong

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.- Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.- Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.- Sue Grafton

I think-therefore I'm single.- Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.- Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.- Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.- Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.- Gloria Steinem

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?- Linda Ellerbee

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."- Oscar Wilde

"Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back."- Al Bundy

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste."- David Bissonette

"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."- Johnny Carson

"If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry."- Chekhov

"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."- Aldous Huxley
"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."- Woody Allen
"Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either."- Joseph Fischer
"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer."- Swami X
"The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind."- Anonymous

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."- Phyllis Diller

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."-Zsa Zsa Gabor

"The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can."- Margo Kaufman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."- Sam Kinison

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."- Groucho Marxv

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."- Jackie Mason

"When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living."- Helen Rowland

"Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"- Rita Rudner

"We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him."- Shelley Winters

"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."- Carol Leifer

"A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business."- Shelley Berman

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."- Elayne Boosler